from an email entitled: hammon household schedule, beta
parental aspirations
no tech b/w homework and bedtime 3:30 - 7:30
3:30 snack / homework
tv only after homework is done
dinner at 6 pm
home by 5. leave office at 4:30
bedtime 7:30. 20 minutes reading in bed
up at 6:30am every day.
leave house at 7:30am every day
Let me just say, I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions for many reasons. The primary being I'm not good at keeping them- and I generally reject the pendulum swing from feast for good reason (Christmas) to famine for none.
And they always seem to be about weight loss, excercize and food. I have found that the less I think about food the better it is to me. In other words, if I eat what I want when I'm hungry, my weight stays the same. Though I know that my blood sugar doesn't do well on carbs, and I try to abide by that- I don't pay much attention to the subject. And I know that I'm lucky in that regard.
So my resolution/ anti- resolution won't be about food- I know that.
I've found myself subconsciously obsessing over parenting. Much the same way one might over food. I don't know about you, but I go through seasons (ok, most of them) where I carry around the message that I am a terrible parent. My kid eats chicken nuggets (strike one), watches The Disney Channel (strike two- and maybe three) and hates to do her homework. So I think about these facts (of course exing out all the awesome stuff she does) obsessively and try to find ways to counter balance them.
If I am honest, I am terrified of homework. I didn't mind it much when it was mine, but last night my daughter brought home a study sheet for her first spelling test. She's five, by the way, and in Kindergarden. When I was in Kindergarden I was glueing macaroni to construction paper, not taking spelling tests. But nonetheless- she'll have one every Friday for the rest of the year (and probably the rest of her school career.)
After a nice walk (another part of my resolution/ anti- resolution) we tucked into dinner and then homework! Yeah!
Actually not yeah!!! Not yeah! at all. Not. at. all.
Tears, actually, squirmy, whiney, angry, sad tears. Big ones.
I don't know how to teach spelling. And I got mad. And then I got some M&M's. And that helped.
Then today I read an essay from a young poet about the influence her parents had on her- and I found myself scribbling notes in my journal,struck with terror that because I've never read A.A Milne to my 5 year old she's won't become a writer when she grows up. Heck I don't even know why I think she should, but I think she should have the chance.
My question is this: How do you bring art and culture into your children's lives in ways that it influences them positively? That they grow to love it and not roll their eyes everytime Mom says, "Let's go to the museum!" Or, "No TV, let's go for a walk!"
I can joke about my imperfections as a parent- and ask for your solidarity- we can comfort eachother in our imperfections, but the truth is we are the greatest single influence over our children's lives.
How do we not screw that up?
that is a question that follows you all your life...how not to screw them up and spending the rest of your life feeling guilty about screwing them up
ReplyDeletemy daddy did it by singing, playing guitar and exposing me to all the good music he loves. he didn't make it a "thing." he was also really, really good at laying down the law without being strident or hostile. i had a lot of latitude, but i only got that latitude (even as a little kid) once the work was done. when i was 5, the "work" was spelling, reading, art, music, and arithmetic.
ReplyDeleteso maybe that's how: firm, but big, boundaries.
One idea is to offer what you have and be okay with your "family culture," if you will, looking different from other people's. One mom I know loves acting and has performed in community theater and basically runs a well-developed acting group in her church. When her kids were little, she was worried about the odd schedule she kept. I suggested that when they were very little, to just put them on the same schedule as the mom. I don't know how much she did that, but her kids have grown up with theater and acting being a normal thing, and they have gotten involved in CYT (Christian Youth Theater) and have been performing in shows every season.
ReplyDeleteAnother friend is very musical, so guess what? Their family has made music, enjoyed music, studied music...not because the parents were cramming it down their throats, but because it was a natural thing to share. It was who they were. The daughter did not end up doing anything with music, but found her love of sports and the parents go out and root for her and get her signed up for things, but she still appreciates music and understands it. The son is an award-winning clarinet and sax player and can pretty much play anything he picks up or stands in front of. In other words, they shared their passions with their kids, and it did not warp the kid who wasn't naturally gifted at making music--it still enriched her life; and it happened that they were able to give great advantages to the one who grabbed onto it.
I don't know if this makes sense, but I hope that you feel free to offer to your family the things that you love. If you love A.A. Milne, great. Read it to her. But if you loved other books as a kid, read those, too, or instead of A.A. Milne. Your daughter will sense your excitement and enthusiasm if you share the things that excite you, the things you're enthused about.
You can do other things, too. And they might be bored at the museum (if you read my recent post Art Can Awaken, you'll see that I dragged my kids to the Art museum, and they eventually dig grow quite tired and a little bored but much of the time actually enjoyed it).
thanks for this- Ann I agree with living into your family culture. I suppose I fear most of our music happens when Syd is at school or Sunday school. I am making an effort to play more piano (not a resolution:) And see where it takes us. Magnolia I love your dad! Sounds like an amazing father and person. Love to you all.
ReplyDeleteJust found your blog via your beautiful article on Madonna Badger. So glad I've found you. I have a lot of catching up to do on here!
ReplyDeletethanks for reading and for joining us here!
DeleteMaybe it's just a fad and you'll start slacking in a month. ;) Nah, I think parents are always trying to be better parents, at least the good ones. It's a good sign for you. Glad I found you blog!
ReplyDeleteMatt, it totally is a fad. :) Thanks for reading and for posting.
DeleteAhhhh. Having the want to is the sweetest thing.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully poetically said. Wanting the want is step one. :)
DeleteA.A. Milne, who is that? :) I've got two college aged kids and am seeing it. They love what I love. My interests rubbed off, especially those that I included them in/invited them to join me in. All I know. Good luck :)
ReplyDeleteHere's a poem I wrote about that same frustration (also entered in a public poetry/mfah contest...)
ReplyDeleteThen and Now
by Karen Perez
I held your hand.
You skipped along.
Our shadows glided over white stripes.
Hurry to the museum Mommy!
Eager to do and see,
You pressed the crosswalk button
always before anyone else,
a competition with your brother.
Perilous pursuits
he long gave up trying to win.
You shuffle along the bold,
Bright path of crisscrossed lines
Dragging feet aloof, arms crossed,
as if off to the dungeon to
dare Art to amuse. Wait,
these lines captivate.
Is that a spark of interest?
Art in the streets.
You skip again.
I smile.
only, sorry, my kids loved the museum in their 5 year old selves...now, fuggetaboutit.
ReplyDeleteI love your poem, karen, it's beautiful! Thanks for posting it here!
DeleteHello Cameron,
ReplyDeleteI also found your blog via the article you wrote on Madonna (Johnson when I knew her in Louisville Ky) Badger. I have been following the news, blogs, etc ever since I learned of the tragic fire and have been struggling to make sense of how one person could be asked to endure what happened to Madonna!
Thank You for the excellent article you wrote! You and only you said and approached this subject in the right way. I especially enjoyed the peek into what went on at the ad agency during your tenure there as I was aware that Mojo (her nickname in our group in the late 70's early 80's) had become a huge success in the fashion/advertising world but not much more, so it was doubly interesting to me and you depicted her just the way I remembered her to be, tenacious when she wanted something she knew was right and true !
Back to the tragedy, I was sick inside as I read some of the morbid and ludacris post regarding what transpired. Your article even spawned some similar replies/respones like the woman who wanted to know where Madonna's keen senses were when she fell prey to Michael Borcina. I have to admit Borcina is the big quetion mark in this for me as well, but her post actually helped me come to a theory that I hadn't thought about before, Madonna wanted to love and be loved! Something we all long for regardless of gender or financial well being. I am not certain he is a bad person, but he sure seems to be involved with every mistake that could have prevented the tragedy and was the reason the fire started to begin with.....some articles even indicated he had the twins with him at some point during the fire...but they left him to go elsewhere when they panic'd...sorry but what adult man lets a 7 year old child separate from them in a blazing inferno he must have realized he started at that point?? I also realize there is part of me wanting to believe Borcina is a self centered smuck because it answers my questions and provides a place to put the blame, but if he is that guy Madonna wasn't aware of that till now/later...... or another way to say it is she was blinded by love or what she hoped was love which only makes this story even more heartbreaking and tragic. Please keep in mind she was a Ad Exec and a Mother not a builder or safety inspector, she was relying on someone she thought she could trust for those items so why people choose to criticize and cast judgement is something else I just can't understand, but I do want to thank you again for a ray of hope among the enormous pile of despair !
MC
Hey MC Sorry I am only seeing this now. I am bummed about how stupid and judgemental people have been and I agree with you- she likely trusted the "expert" to know what he was doing. Nonetheless- I think about her all the time and pray for peace and comfort. I hope she is feeling supported. :) Thanks again for the comment.
ReplyDeleteHey MC Sorry I am only seeing this now. I am bummed about how stupid and judgemental people have been and I agree with you- she likely trusted the "expert" to know what he was doing. Nonetheless- I think about her all the time and pray for peace and comfort. I hope she is feeling supported. :) Thanks again for the comment.
ReplyDelete